this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
