Well apparently he's into motor boating.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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