he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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