carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
