Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
