Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
