my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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