Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
