Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My vagina just clenched in fear
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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