Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
