Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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