you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
