i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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