like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
