between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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