Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
