brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
