My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
