it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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