you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
