i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
