I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The ass gains better be worth it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
