what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
