Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
