yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
