Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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