I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
