I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
