Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
me + whiskey = a bad person
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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