they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
