I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So many bounce houses so little time
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
