Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
