Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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