I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
