so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
