I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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