Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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