you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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