I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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