i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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