I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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