So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What a dumb baby whore.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
