god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
