I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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