She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
