His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
