I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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