apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
