Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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