Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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